Trapped


Wrote this poem this morning about my experience with pornography and sexual addiction. Be Blessed.

Trapped

 I am trapped, locked up, incarcerated, and imprisoned.

Not by bars, the warden, guns, or handcuffs.

I’m trapped by sexual addiction and lust.

I watch porn, read nasty books and always take second looks.

I crouch like a lion waiting on a gazelle, hiding behind a façade so nobody can tell.

I wait, I watch, then pounce on my prey, saying this is the last one, but I do it everyday.

Log in, log out, I turn the computer off, but when I’m stressed I go right back

to the normal routine NEVER counting up the cost.

Never counting the steps I’m taking away from God and my reality to escape what I should have given

him in the first place, I’M LOST.

Lost in a fantasy, lost in the temporary, lost and weighted down by burdens that I don’t have to carry.

Stress rises, flesh cries, Spirit says no, but my flesh says, GO.

Go to the familiar, it’s too hard to pray, release the pressure, it will make it go away.

But like a snowball it rolls downhill creating an avalanche that I can’t control or keep still.

Every step, every move, every turn I take, stress, calamity, confusion it awakes.

I’m trapped beneath movies, magazines, mental images, fantasies, and sex.

Not realizing the suicide bomber I’m becoming because I won’t crucify my FLESH.

I can’t  sleep, I can’t  rest, but then I hear the Holy Spirit speak with a fresh breath.

Cast down the imagination, here’s a way of escape, I’m breaking the chains, wiping you clean,

Repent, walk away my son, you are redeemed.

I can hold you, love you, soothe you, relax you, caress you, give you a release and more importantly I can give you peace.

Look to the hills, your help has come, no more guilt, no more shame, the battle is won.

Purity is yours but it’s a step you must take, burn the books, the magazines, and destroy the tapes.

My chains are gone, I’ve got a new song, I will never be bound again.

I used to be a porn addict, trapped without bars, trapped in my mind, thinking I was closing doors to it, but never throwing away the key. Finally I’m FREE.

 *Just Call Me Justified

I’m Free


I was getting ready to call it a night, but the Lord gave me these words to write. This is an original poem entitled, “I’m Free.” If you know of someone who has overcome or is struggling with homosexuality please remember these words. Enjoy and Comment please

I’m Free

What? What are you looking at? What do you see when you see me? Do see the swish in my walk? How I suck my teeth when I talk? The limp in my wrist or my dainty little twist? Do you see the contacts, the makeup, or the tight clothes I wear when I dress up? Do you see me pop my collars; looking like I fit in nowhere? What do you see?

Do you see that it’s hard to be me? To be in this body and want to be free? You don’t know that people molested me and sowed a seed that I let grow and cultivated into this sinful me. You don’t see me, the tears I cry of just wanting to be a “normal” guy? The church condemns me, my family is ashamed and sometimes I just wish I could die, just to be free from these chains.

You keep staring but are you praying ? Or do you just look at me in disgust and just walk away? Here I am a broken vessel; everyday me and my flesh we wrestle. It’s a breakthrough I see, so I get down on my knees and say, “Lord just help me.” That was the day my life, it just changed the man I’ve always wanted to be slowly he came.
The twist is gone, I don’t suck my teeth, when I see another man , my knees don’t even get weak. I can stand tall and walk with a confident stride. I’m delivered, I’m not gay and I have NOTHING to hide. I’m free from lust, fornication, porn, masturbation and pride. The man you used to make fun of has died. I’m free ya’ll, walking with my head held high. I’m a brand new creature and I lift my father’s name on High. So don’t look for the man I used to be because he doesn’t live here anymore. All things are new and for my life, I have so much in store.

So the next time you see somebody that was like me, do me a favor and pray for them and speak into their destiny. Amazing Grace is a sweet sound that saved a wretch like me. I stand tall for all my brothers and sisters struggling to break the chains of Homosexuality and sing, “I’M FREE!”

Just Call Me Justified

My Issues


I was going through some things that I have written over the course of my life and found the following poem that poured out of my heart.

As I read it, I realized I feel some of the same things even now and thought it may encourage someone else. Enjoy

 

 

I Have Issues, Complex situations, Skyscrapers of distress, maybe not that big. Consistent days of inward watching, trying to figure myself out. The one created for greatness but so low within self, Today my drive has left, and behold I see the naked me. So many Issues.

I may not show it but my soul is dealing. I’m constantly looking for my mountain peak. Many times I find myself pulling things out the closet, All the skeletons must be buried; a graveyard dedicated to the end. Transparent is my goal, these are My Issues.

My Issues must leave to make way for new ones. I realize I’m never going to be free from issues. The simplicity of Liberty dangles in my eyes. I seek liberation from life’s troubles Hopeless it seems. But faith still breathes deep in me, Faith being the basis of the things I hope for. Faith being the proof of what I can’t see, Knee deep in a pool of sorrow A waterfall of decision is its birthplace, The persistent pressure of purpose, Boils over in a pot of complacency.

Drive, Motivation, and determination accelerate the consistent fear of not being successful. Plagued by the stereotypes of a Black man mixed with the homosexual lifestyle. My pores bleed freedom, never to be left behind but always to succeed.

Breaking the chains of decision and moving into the freedom I was made for. I am created for liberty my issues must not control my liberation. My liberation of the mind, body, and soul. My Issues yes they are very much real, but the sun will shine in the morning and my cloudy days will be all gone.

Decision making turns into a still, small stream banked by peace and tranquility. My issues, yes they are overwhelming at times but my tears are bottled up and like gold they are exchanged for happiness. These are My Issues.

*Just Call Me Justified

I Wish I Was Your Father


This afternoon the spirit quickened me to write these words. God is awesome enjoy.

I Wish I Was Your Father

I wish i was your Father so I could show you the way

I’d be your guiding light,teach you how to speak to giants, and exactly what to say.

I wish I was your Father so I could bandage your pain

Then pain of wondering why your “real daddy” left you and all you have is his name.

I wish I was your Father so I can teach you to be a man

Your mom is really trying but she’s doing the best that she can.

I wish I was your Father so I could warn you about  life

I’d teach you about being faithful to girls and prepare you for a wife.

I wish I was your Father so I could teach you how to save

Because no one wants to put you away in a pine box or unmarked grave.

I wish I was your Father so I could show you violence was not the way

For bullets have no name and knives will strip your life away.

I wish I was your Father so I could show you what love is

Your life has been full of pain and that’s not a way to live.

I wish I was your Father so we could do what Father and Son do

I’d show you how to fish, barbeque and show you that women are a virtue.

I wish I was your Father, because I’d teach you to pray

Because praying to my Father helps me make it everyday.

I wish I was your Father to walk upright before you

I’d show you real men love Jesus and live with honor and truth.

I wish I was you Father, so I could change your name

I’d tell you our family history, and leave a legacy for you without shame.

I wish I was your Father, because I’m tired of seeing you hurt

You watch other kids with their dads and everyday it gets worse.

I wish I was your Father, then we could celebrate this today

But Young man I’m not your Father, but if I was you’d be happy to say that today is my Daddy’s Day.

Yancey L. Conerly-James

*Just Call Me Justified,.